“Thepaper.TheytalkedaboutyouandGinnyallthetime.”DracoclawsatthedarkmarkandthenrealizesthatHarrymightfeelthemotion,soheswitchestotwistingthesheetsbetweenhisfingersinstead.“Areyousoupsetthistimebecauseit’sme?”
Untilthewordswereout,hedidn’trealizehowmuchthismatteredtohim.Howmuchitbotheredhim,thatevenaftereverything,allthethingsHarrysaidanddidandallthetimesheprotectedhim,apartofhimstillthoughtofhimasthatjerkfromschoolwhowasn’tworthhistime,akidwhogotwrappedupinthingsthatwerewayoverhisheadwithoutrealizingitandwasnowjustanotherpersonforhimtoreachoutahelpinghandto.Thatmaybe,justmaybe,evenwitheverything,thethingthatwaskeepingthemapartwasnothowmuchDracowasafraid,butratherthefactdeepdown,HarryknowswhoDracoisandthathewouldneverreallywanthim.Andifthat’sthetruth,Dracocan’tevenfinditinhimselftoblamehimforit.
“No.”HecanheartherustlingofblanketsthatmeantHarrywasjerkingbackawake,maybeproppinghimselfuponaneyebrowandturningovertolookathim,eyessquintingtomakethefuzzyoutlineofDraco’sfacealittleclearer.Dracodoesn’tknowforsure.Hewon’tturnandfacehim.“No,ofcoursethat’snotit.Ofcourseit’snothingtodowithyou.”
Ifthisweredifferent,handswouldbereachingouttohim,holdinghim,andmaybeDracowouldnotbesoafraidjusttoturnhisheadtotherightandseeifHarryistellingthetruth.Ifthingsweredifferent,theywouldn’tneedtobehavingthisconversation.
“Thenwhat?”There’sheatinthebackofhiseyes,andhidinginhisthroat,andhisfingersaretremblingagain,soheclutchesthesheetstighter,halfafraidhe’sgoingtoripthefabric.“Whyareyousoupset?”
“Becauseitwasaboutme.”Harrysays,andthentherearehandsonhim,oneofHarry’shandsonhisshoulderandtheotherstillonthebedforbalance,andthistime,Dracoreallydoestolookathim.“Becausewehadthisnicenight,thisgreatnight,anditwasn’tsupposedtobeaboutanythingbiggerthanyouandmedancing.Andnowit’sbeenmadeintothishugething,likeitmeantsomethingitdidn’t,anditmakesmefeellike…like…”Hefalters,searchesDraco’sface,andDracocanseehimswallow.“LikeIwassupposedtobedoingsomethingdifferent.Thatweweredoingsomethingwrong.”
“Doyouthinkweare?”
“Ididn’t.”Harry’seyesarewide.“Idon’twanttobe.Doyouthinkweare?”
“Sometimes.”Dracobrokeeyecontactandlookedathisarminstead,wenttotraceallthefrecklestogether.Helikeddoingthat,whentheywerebothdriftingofftosleep.“Butrarely.”
“Itlookedlikesomethingitwasn’t.”Harrysaid,anditwaswiththetoneofsomeonewhowastryingveryhardtoconvincethemselvesthataliewasthetruth.“That’sallthatwas.”
“Itlookedlikesomethingbecauseitissomething.”ThiswasaleapthatDracowasnotpreparedtotake—hehadneverbeenverygoodatnotgettinghurtinthelandings.“Andtheyjustsawitbeforewedid.”
“Wecan’tbesomething.”Itpainshimtosayit,Dracocantell,butthatdoesn’tchangethefactthatitstillstings,tobeturnedawayevenwhenyouweren’tofferinganything.“Yousaidthatyourself.”
“ButIstillwantit.”Theyaresoclosethattheyonlyhavetospeakinwhispers,andDracowonderswhotheywerekidding,whytheywerepretending,howthiswasanybetterthanjusttakingthatchanceanddealingwiththefallout.Ifhewereabraverperson,hewouldleaninandkisshim.Buthe’snot.He’sthekindofpersonwholookstosavehimselfbeforeanyoneelse,whoalwayshasescaperoutesandbackupplans,andhewillnotdosomethingthathasthepotentialtocausehimsomuchpain.“Don’tyou?”
“OfcourseIdo.”HishandsareinDraco’shair,now,andheiskindofontopofhimnow,andthereissomethingdiggingintoDraco’sribsbuthedoesn’tcomplain,justtakeswhatcanbegiventohim,takesthisonetime,thisonekiss,evenifitbreakseverything,evenifit’sthelasttimeheevergottotouchHarrylikethis.Whentheybreakapart,itfeelslikefalling,andthereisnothingtheretocatchhim,butthereareworsewaystobreak.“Youhavetoknowthat.”
“Idon’t.”Confessionscomeeasierindarkness.“I’vetriedtellingyou,Idon’t.”
“Youhaveto,”Harryrepeats,amurmuronDraco’sskin,andeventhoughheknowsthismeansnothing,thatitisjustacontinuationfromthestrangefeelingthathadbeenleftoverfromthenightbefore,thatinthemorningtherewillbeawkwardsilencesandawkwardgrinsandapromisetoforgetthiseventhoughtheyneverwill,hedoesnotstopit,evenwhenitmighthavebeensmarter(safer)todoso.
Chapter26
Harry
There’safullscalefightgoingoninDiagonAlleyandeventhoughhewasinthemiddleofaduelandcurseswerewhizzingbysoclosetohimhecouldfeelthewindonhisskin,allHarrycanthinkaboutisthatthisreallyisn’twhathewantedtohappenwhenhewastryingtogatherenoughnervetotellDracothatitwasover.
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