分卷阅读41（2 / 2）

Hewantsittobeover.Hewantstobedonefeelingafraid.Hewantstobedonewithhospitalsandguarddutyandfeelingthateachgoodbyeyouhavewiththepeopleyouloveisyourlastone,donewiththefeelingthatthisworldisaterribleplace.Hewantssomeonetotellhimthathefinallygetstobeatpeace.

“It’sover.”Harrysaid,andheraiseshisownhandstotraceoverDraco—atthebandagesonhischest,theflowersthatLunahaddrew,thecutscurlinguphisneckandbehindthebackofhisearfromtheawkwardwayhehadbeenlayingontheground.“It’sreallytheendthistime.”

“You’redoneleavingme?”Overthepastfewdays,Dracohadn’twantedtothinktoocloselyaboutwhathiscontinuedabsencemeant,butthepossibilitiesspunaroundhismindnow—thathemightnotwantDracoafterall,thatHarrywasnevergoingtobeabletoseehimagain,thatsomethinghadhappenedtoHarry,thatwhileeveryonewasbusysavingDracoHarryhadwentandgothurtsavingsomeoneelse.“BecauseIdon’twanttowakeupwithoutyoueveragain.”

“Doneleaving,”Harrypromises,andthistimeDracoreallydoesfallintohim,paininhisribsbedamned,andwhenhekisseshim,heisnotthinkingofallthereasonstheyshouldn’t,heisonlythinkingofthereasonstheyshould—abouthowalltheirgood-byesseemliketheyarethelastgoodbyes,abouthowthereisallkindsofpaininthisworldandtheydon’tneedtogivemoretothemselveswhenitisnotneeded,abouthowhehassathereinthisroomaloneandonlythoughtofthewhatifs,andDracoisso,sodonewithwhatifs.Heisdonedancingaroundthisthingbetweenthem,evenifitmeansoneofthoseterriblewhat-ifscometrue.Dracohasdecidedheneedstostopavoidinghischanceatahappyendingwheneveryoneinhislifeissodesperatelytryingtogivehimone.

Chapter32

Draco

Bythetimethehealersdeclarehimfittogohome,DracohadhadenoughofStMungo’s.Therewassimplytoomanypeoplethere,allofthemaskingquestionsthathedoesn’tknowhowtoanswer,likehowhe’sfeelingafterhisneardeathexperienceandwhatit’sliketobeaheroandwhatexactlyheandHarryare,speakinginthetermsoftheirrelationship.He’dbecomegoodatignoringwhateverwell-meaningnursewanderedintolookoverhischartsandmakeanxioussmalltalk,butstill,hewaslookingforwardtofinallybeingleftalone.

Notthathewasleftalonewhenhegothome,really,becauseeventhoughtheydeclaredhimfittobedischarged(thehealersactualwordswerewedon’tthinkyou’reinanyimmediatedangerofdying,buttrynottodoanythingtaxing,willyou?Youwereanextraordinarilydifficultpersontofix)hewasstillhavingtoaskforridiculousamountsofhelp,startingfromthemomentwherehealmostfaintedduringhisattempttousefloopowderandHermionebulliedhimintotakingthenightbusinstead,sayingitjustwouldn’tdotobelostupachimneyinhisstate,andhecouldn’tevenarguewithher.

“You’lljusthavetotakeiteasyforafewdays,that’sall,”Shehadsaid,tryingtohelphimdownthestairsandheavehisbagoverhershoulderatthesametime,allunderthestunnedgazeofStanShunpike,whoseemedtobestruckdumbbytheideaofhavingnotonebuttwomildlyfamouspeopleonhisbusatthesametime.“Thinkofitasabitofavacation,andyou’llbegoodasnewinnotime!”

WhichwasallgoodforHermionetosay,andeasytothinkofintheory,butitbecamequiteadifferentmatterwhenhehadtospendallhishourssittingonthecouchandwatchingtherestoftheroomrevolvearoundhim,neveractuallylettinghimjoinpartintherealworld,statingthatyouhavetorest,Draco,remember?

Soherested.HelethimselfbeburiedbyblanketsandpillowsthatHermioneknittedhim,andacceptedthebutterbeersRonbroughthimwithouteverdrinkingthemandlistenedasLunacontinuedtoreadoutthedifferentarticlesintheQuibbler.HehobbledhiswayintoGeorge’sshopandsatatthebackcounterasthedaywentonwithouthim,metPansyforlunchintheLeakyCauldron,hadMollycomeandcookbreakfastthreedaysinarow,allofitunderthewatchfuleyeofHarry.

“Ijustdon’twantyoutobehurt,”Hehadsaid,theonetimethatDracohadgottenfedupwitheveryone’scoddlingandthefeelingofbeingstuck,ofsuffocating,likeifhedidn’tgetoutthefourwallsweregoingtoimplodeonhim,butofcoursehecouldn’tgetout,hecouldn’tevenwalkonhisown.“Iknowyou’reinpain.”

(Dracohadapologizingimmediately.Theyarebothbeingsocarefulwithoneanother,eachofthemtooafraidtobethefirstonetotestthestrengthofthisnewthingbetweenthem,wheretheydon’tstopholdinghandswhentheirfriendscomeoverandstoppedpretendingthatsleepinginthesamebedwassomethingthatbestfriendsdoeverynight,andwhenoneofthemsaysthatthey’rethemostimportantthingintheworld,theotherdoesn’tquestionit.Lovingeachother—eveniftheyhadn’tsaidsoinsomanywords,yet,stillascautiouswiththisastheyarewitheverythingelse—wasnolongerathingtheyhadtoworryabout.Itjustwas.)

Still,it’salmostareliefwhenDracowakesuponemorningtofindanotestucktothepillowbesidehim.It’sinHarry’schickenscratch,thelinesscribbledacrossthepaperlikehehadalreadybeenwalkingawaybeforethewordswerewrittendown,tellinghimthathewasgoingovertoHermione’stohelphermoveacouchupthestairs(sayswecan’tusemagicuntilitsactuallyinherapartmentbecauseofthemuggles,completelymental)andthathewastobebacksoon.Thenoteendedwithalittleheartloopedaroundthebottomcorner.

Stupid,Dracothinks,tracinghisthumbovertheindentthatthehearthadmade,wonderingifHarrywouldfindoutifDracoweretoshovethisinthebackofhissockdrawer.Bothofyouaresobloodystupid.

Hewantstostayinbed,maybegrabafewhoursofsleep,butthesunwasclimbinginthroughthewindowandeverythinghurttoobadforthat,anyways.Dracohadneverreallyhadtheoccasiontowonderwhatitwasliketoliveinconstantpainbefore,butheknowsnow,likehe’sconstantlyworkinghiswaythroughthelastshockwavesofbeingcruciod,whereyoucanstillfeeltheghostofthespellinyourbones.

Everypartofhimisamessofaching.

Dracodoesn’tbotherwithgettingdressed,justpullshimselftohisfeetandlurchesfromthebedtothetabletothedoorway,outintothelanding.It’shardtogetdownthestairs,butitgetseasierwitheachstep,likehislimbscanonlystarttomoveoncetheyhavebeenremindedofwhatitmeanstobealive.

“Comeon.”Hetalkstohimselfalotnow,whenhegetsleftaloneinthisbighouse.Sometimeshewondersifit’sabadthing,butDracowavestheworryawaywiththethoughtthatthereisalwayssomeonelistening—Kreacher,theportraits,somerandomguestthathehadnotknownwasthere.“Justonemore.Just,”Pain,somuchofit,likeeverypartofhimwasbeingstrippedawayandputbacktogetheragain,“one,”Heplacesonefootinfrontoftheother,lookingatwhereheneedstobeandnotwhereheisgoing,whichiswhyitdoesn’treallycomeassurprisewhenhisfootslipsandheisnotstrongenoughtograbontotherailingforsupport,justtumbles,“More.”