分卷阅读49（2 / 2）

Whenhewasyounger,lockedinthatcupboardunderthestairsandwonderingifhewouldevergetout,thinkingonlyofthefootstepscreakingoverhisheadandthespiderstremblingontheceiling.Hehadnowaytotracktimeotherthanthehungerpainsroaringinhisstomach,andhewashungryallthetimebackthen,sowhentheDursleyshadallleftforsomefamilyoutingandHarrywasleftinthere,aloneinthedark(thiswas,ofcourse,beforetheyaddedthelightbulb),itwasliketheconceptoftimedidn’texistatall.

Liketherewasnotime,justthis,thisyellowed,lumpymattressandhistoobigjeansandthedoorwiththesplintersfromthetimehehadlosthisheadandtriedtoclawhiswayoutintothehallway(hisfingershadbledformonthsafter),likehewasexistinginablackhole,someplacewherenoonewouldhearhisscreams,whereifhehaddiedlikeVernonkeptaskinghimtodo,noonewouldeverevenknowheexisted.

(LikeSchrodinger’sCat,Hermionehadtoldhim,once,intheirsixthyear,whenshefinallyaskedthequestionsabouthislifeinthemuggleworldthatsheandRonhadbeendyingtoknowandhehadtoldher,theworryandthefearandtheneverendingpainbleedingoutofhiminonelongrushofanexplanation,likeyouexistandyoudon’tatthesametime,becauseuntilthatdooropened,therewasnothingbutyourownmindtodecide,nosensoryinputtoremindyouthatyouarealive,andhehadstaredather,dumbstruck,beforesayingyes,yes,thatwasitsogladthatithadbeenputintowordsthatmadesomesortofsense.)

Thatwasbad,butitwasokay,becausehealwaysknewthatthedoorwouldeventuallyopen,ifjusttofeedhimorlethimgotothebathroom,becausewhateverelsetheDursley’swere,theywerenotpeoplewhowouldchancestainingtheirreputationwithamurderinvestigation.

Thiswasdifferent.

This,thisdamp,rotfilledcellar,wasunfamiliar,andhedidnotknowwhereitbeganorended,becausehewasrootedtothespotrightinthemiddleofthislittleundergroundbox,unableorunwillingtomovethosethreefeettowherehecouldsearchandseeiftherewassomethinghecouldusetoprythedooropenagain.Thistime,hehadnowaytotrackthetimeatall,wasjuststuckhyperventilatingintheoppressiveheatofsummer,leftwiththeknowledgethatnoonewasgoingtobecomingtoopenthatdoor,becausewhowouldlookfortheBoyWhoLivedinthecellar?

Hehadonlywantedtoseeiftherewasanythingdownthere.George,onadaywherehecametohelpwithsomemoredifficultcharms,hadtakenonelookdownintothecellarandtoldHarrynottoworryaboutit,thathewouldcleanthisoneup,maybeevenfillitinandboarditupifthatwaswhathewanted.AndHarryhadsaidthat’salright,nothankyou,thathecouldhandleit,eventhoughthelittleboyinsideofhimwasscreamingathimtoletitbegone,tonotgointhere,thatthiswasnotsomethingtheywantedtodo.

ButthatHarry,thescaredlittleboywhowaitedinthedarkforsomeonetoshowhimthelightagain,wasdead,hadfacedworsethanalittledarknessandfourwallsthatseemtocaveinonyoualittlebitmoreeachtimeyoutookabreath,likeyouwererunningoutofair,andhewantedtoproveit,sohewrenchedthosedoorsopenandclimbedintothedarknessandclosedhiseyes,tookadeepbreathofthatstale,earthyairandgroundhisheelsintothedirtfloor,becausehewasfinewiththis,really,hewasfine.

Onlyhewasn’t,becausewhenhewenttowalkbackoutintothesun,itturnsoutthatthewoodwassowarpedfromwaterdamagethatitcouldnotbeopenedfromtheinside.

Thisisstupid(breathe,damnit,eightsecondsinandholditforfourandtheneightsecondsout,knocktheairbackintoyourlungsifyouhaveto)you’vehadtodealwiththingssomuchworsethanthis,don’tyourememberthosemonsterspidersintheforestfromwhenyouweretwelve,youfacedthem(notreally,thecarcameandsavedus)(shutup,notthepoint)andanyways,thisisn’tsobad,look,ifyousitit’sliketheroomgetsbigger,pullyourkneestoyourchestandburyyourheadbetweenthemandit’slikethereisnothinghappeningatall,youarejustsittingsomewherewithyoureyesclosed(youaresittinginahole,youareinaholeandthedirtisbeingfilledinontopofyou,that’showthisisgettingsmaller,thatiswhyyouarechoking)don’tbestupid,don’tbestupid,don’tbestupid,calmdown,won’tyou,won’tyoujustcalmdown,someonewillbeheretoletyououtanymoment,theyalwayscometoletyoubackout,theywouldnotletyoudie(nooneiscoming.nooneevenknowsthattheyshouldbelooking).

Heisnotsurehowlonghestaresdownthere.LongenoughthatheisnottheBoyWhoLivedanylonger,theonewhofaceddowndeatheatersandvampiresandwhohaseveryoneinthewizardingworldreadytofalltotheirkneesatthesoundofhisname,becauseheisjustthatgood.HeisonlyHarry,Harrywhonevergottohearhisreallastnameunlessitwasbeinghandledlikeitwassomethingfilthy,HarrywhosehandswerealwayschappedfromthebleachhehadtocleanwithandHarrywhospenthislifewatchingtheworldfromunderneaththecupboard,andthatHarryisnotgone,hewasonlyburiedoutofnecessity.He’sbacknow,though,sobbingandhyperventilatinginthislittleholeintheground,screamingforhelpuntilhisthroatisrippedraw.

“Hello?”Hepoundsonthedooroverheadeventhoughhisarmsarealreadycoveredinbruises,strainshisearstotrickhimselfintothinkingthereissomeonethere.“Please!Letmeout!”Hethrowshisshoulderagainstthedoorandthewoodshakes,throwingbeamsoflightacrossthecellarfloor,ataunting.“Help!”

Helpdoescome,butnotforawhilelonger(aminute,anhour,anafternoon)hecannottell,andbythattimeheispressedupagainstthebackwall,fingersburiedinhishairandtuggingonthestrandssohardhethoughttheymightberippedfromhisscalp.Hehasbeenworkedintosuchastatethathealmostdoesn’tnoticewhenthedarknesslifts,otherthanthathecansuddenlybreathealittleeasier,nolongercrowdedbythescentofthedustthatmusthavebeentrappedinhereforeons.

“Harry?”Stepsthunderdowntomeethim,andHarryflinchesatthesound,pullsawaywhenhandscomeuptotugathisarms.“Areyouhurt?”Thevoiceisloud,insistent,andhewantsittogoaway,wantstohidebackinthedarkness.“Whereareyouhurt,Harry?”

IttakeshimanothermomenttorealizethatthiswasDraco,andtheknowledgemakesasobfalloutofhismouth.HefallsintohisarmsandDracoholdshim,bewildered.“Whathappened?”Hedidnotgetit,andHarrywouldnotsay.“Icametovisit,andIsawyourwand,butyouweren’tthere,and—”

Ithoughtsomethinghadhappened,waswhathewasnotsaying.Ithoughtthatyouweregone.

“I’mfine.”Heis,sortof.He’sgatheringbackcontrolofhimself,nowthatthedangerisclearandthewayoutisopen,andHarryisawareenoughtobeembarrassedofhowDracohadfoundhim,cryinginthedark.“Thedoorgotstuck.”

“Thedoor?”Dracostarted,andthenstopped,becauseheunderstood,andHarryhatesthat,theunderstandinginhiseyes.“Oh,Harry.”

“Don’t.”Hewantstohide,buthealsocan’tstandtobehereanylonger,sohestumblestohisfeet,forceshimselfuptothesurface,wherehecollapsesdownintothegrass.Itiswarmagainsthisskin.“Don’tsayanything.”