Hehidesit,becausehedoesnotwantHarrytoworry.It’snotsomethingtoworryabout,justasideeffectofthehouselookinglikesomeplacecompletelynew,withnewsmellsandsoundsandnoneoftheoldcomfortsitusedtohold,andnownoteventhesoundofHarry’sbreathingandtheoldtrickofcountingthecracksspiralingovertheceilingsenoughtolullhimbacktothecalm,soeventhoughDracohadpromisedhimselfthathewouldtrytomoveawayfromit,heturnsbacktowhathedoesbest.
Hecleans.
Todayit’stheattic,thelastthingtotacklejustbecausehehadn’tintendedtocleanit.Whocleanstheattic?Buthereheis,dustingandmoppingandwipingthelayerofgrimeoffthewindows,andit’spathetic,heknows,tocomebacktothis,buthecanalreadyfeelthetensionebbingfromhisshoulders,feelsthewayhisskinstartstofithimagain.
Thisisokay,Dracokepttellinghimself,histhoughtscomingintimewiththestrokesoftheragagainstthewindow,theonehekeptcleaningeventhoughitdidn’thaveaspeckofdustleftonit.Thisisfine,thatyouhavetodothis,thatyouneedtohavesomethingtofallbackonsometimes.Itisn’teverynight,justwhenthingsgetbad.Everyonehasstuffthattheydotomakelifeeasiertotake,whenlifegetsback.Hewringsthewashragout.Somepeoplesnortpowdereddragonhide.Allyoudoisclean.
He’salmostcalmagain,butwhenheseesHarrystandinginthemiddleoftheroom,somehowhavingappearedwithouteverhavingmadeanoise,hestilljumps.
“Harry.”Hebunchestheraginhisfistlikehe’stryingtohideit,butthenrelaxes,becauseit’snotlikehe’sdoinganythingwrongandhowelsecouldheexplainthisaway,anyways?“DidIwakeyouup?”
“DidIwakeyouup?”Harrymimics,hisvoicecoldandclear,hisfacescrewedup.“Niceofyou,tobeconsiderate.”
Harrywasangry,andDracocouldnotrespond,becausehewasunabletoshakethefeelingthathehadbeenslapped.
(Ifheweretocomparethistosomething,hewouldsayit’slikethetimebackinthefinalbattlewhereadeatheaterhadnotbelievedthathehadbeenontheirside,andthensomeone—heneverdidlearnwho—hadcursedhimoutoftheway,butinsteadoflettingDracothankhim,afisthadcomeflyingoutofnowhereandpunchedhimintheface.HesuspectsitwasSeamus.)
“That’snottherightquestion,anyways.”Harrydidn’tlookangryanymore,justalittlebored,likehehadbetterthingstobedoingthantocalmdownhisnervouswreckofaboyfriend.“Thebetterquestionwouldbewhatareyoustilldoinghere?”
“I’mcleaning.”Dracowasalmostrelievedthatthisiswhatitwasabout.HehadnoideathatitupsetHarrythismuch,wasall.
“Nothereasintheattic,youidiot.”Harryadvancedonhim,andforthefirsttimeinalongtime,Dracofeltafraid.“Imeanthereasinthishouse.Ithoughtthatyouwereleaving—Ioverheardthecallwiththerealtor.Youshouldhaveleftthemomenttheministryclearedyou.”
Dracowantedtobetough.Wantedtoyell,maybe,orfightback,oratleastthrowtheragdownandstriderightpastHarryandoutthedoor,toLuna’sorhismother’sorevenHermione’s,buthedoesn’t.Insteadhejuststandsthere,notevenbotheringtobracefortheimpactoftheconversation,feelinglikethewindhadbeenknockedoutofhim,unabletocomeupwithasinglecuttingresponse.Hemissesbeingabletobemean.
“Ithought—”
“ThatIwantedyou?ThatIlovedyou?Thatyouwerefinallygettingthathappyeverafter,whentherestofyourlifehadbeensohorrible?”Hewaslaughingathim,Dracorealized.Laughinginawaythatwasnotlaughingbutacoldcruelmockingthat,tobeperfectlyhonest,Dracodidn’tthinkHarryhadtheabilitytobecapableof.Hewaswrong.“Ididn’twantyouhere.IwastryingtodoyouafavortokeepyououtofAzkaban,nothaveyoustickaroundfortherestofmylife,andreally,Draco,howcouldsomeonelikemelovesomeonelikeyouaftereverythingyouhaddone?Doyouthinkthatthere’sforgivenessforthingslikethat,orthatitwouldcomesoeasily?Whateveryouthought—”Hecroucheddown,atlevelwithDraco,becausebythenDracohadattemptedtofleeandstumbled.“Youwerewrong.”
Hekeptgoing,sayingalltheawfulthingsthatDracohadbeenworryingaboutoverthesepastfewweeks,abouthowhewasnotworththis,worthanything,howHarrydidnotlovehim,thathecouldnotlovehim,aftereverythinghehaddone,anditdidn’tmakesense,really,butitalsodid,italsodidn’treallyevencomeasasurprise,becausewasn’thealwaysexpectingthismoment,whereHarryrealizeswhatDracohasalwaysknownanddecidesthatitwasnotpossibleforhimtoloveDracoback?IfDracothoughtaboutitintherightlight,hecouldalmosttrickhimselfintothinkingthatitdidn’thurt.
Except.
ExcepttherewasanotherHarrycrouchingbesidehim,shakinghisarm,sayinghisname,overandover,lookingfromDracotothemeanHarry(whowasmuchhotterthantheHarrybesidehim,incidentally,bothbecausetheHarrybesidehimhadrolledoutofbedandbecausethemeanHarryhadallofDraco’sfavoriteaspectsofhim,onlyturneduptoeleven),untilhefinallyshovedhiswayinfrontofDracoandpointedawandoutatthemeanHarry,hishandshaking.
“Ridiculous,”Iswhathesays,andforasecondDracothinksthathehadfallenandhithishead,thatit’ssomestrangedream,becausereally,isthisnewHarryabouttoarguewithhimself?Butthenitmorphsintoadementor,andthenHarryrepeatsthewordanditwhizzesbackintoaclosetthatDracomusthaveopenedwithoutmeaningto,andhisheadbecomealittlemoreclear.
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