(Besides,iftheuniversewasevergoingtosendhimasigntotellhimthathewasmakingamomentousmistake,havingafightbreakoutjustbeforehecouldchokeoutthewordswasaprettygoodone.)
“Whennothingissacred,notargettosmall,everythingbecomesaplaceofuncertainty.”Dracoisstilltalking,stillstaringoutthewindow.“Everythingissomethingtheycandestroy,eventhethingsthatdon’tseemtomattermuch,outsideofwhattheymeantothepeoplewhocareaboutit.”
“Weshouldhaveknown.”Ginnyiswhitefacedwiththepain,andshehastospeakthroughgrittedteeth.Lunahasnotlefthersidesincetheygothere,herhandsflutteringfromhershoulderstoherhairtohoveringoverwherethebreakswere,butitwasn’tenough.“Weshouldhaveknownthefightwouldn’tendwithhim.There’salwayssomethingleftover.”
Howcouldwehaveknown?Harrythinks,whentheyallnod,grimfacedwiththeirfearandtheresignationofthebattlesyettocome.We’rekidsplayingatawarwedon’tknowhowtofight.
“What’scomingwillcome,”Hehearshimselfsay,becauseheistheleader,always,alwayshadthatthrustuponhimevenwhenhedidnotwantit,andhehastosaysomethingtoeasethefear.“Andwe’llmeetitwhenitdoes.”
Chapter27
Harry
ConsideringthatHarryhadlivedinadormitorywithourotherboysformostofhislife,hehadhadhisshareofmomentswherehewalkedinonsomeonedoingsomethingtheyshouldn’t,orthattheydidn’twantotherstoknowabout.LikeNevillewritinginhisdiarythatcataloguesthewell-beingofhisplants,orwhenhecatchesRonreadingthepaperbackromancesthatHermionehadoriginallyboughtforhimasajokebirthdaypresentorthatonetimewhenhewalkedinonSeamusandDeankissingbeforetheywerereadyforanyonetoknowabout.
Sohegetstheprotocol.Abouthowsometimespeoplelivingtogetherstillwanttheirspace,andthattheotherpersonsometimesbargesinonaprivatemomentwithoutmeaningto.Thattherearethings,sometimesnotevenbadthings,justprivatethings,thattheotherpersondoesnotshouttotheworld.Howyouhavetofightpasttheembarrassmenttomakeyourexcusesandexittheroom,andafewhourslater,you’llbothbeoverit.
It’swhatHarryshouldbedoingrightnow,onlyhecouldn’tfigureoutwhatDracowouldbedoingthathe’sembarrassedabout.
“Hey.”Itwaslate,whichmeantthathewasalreadyasleep.Harryhadn’texpectedhimtobeawake—HarryhadintendedtostaythenightatRon’shouseaftergoingouttothepub,afraidthathewouldbetoodrunktoapparatesafely,butbythetimethenightwasover,hefoundthathewasstilljustassoberashehadbeenwhenthedaybegan,sohecamehome,anyways.“Ididn’tmeantowakeyouup.”
“No,youdidn’t.”Dracosaid,andthensmoothedwrinklesoutofthesheetsinsteadoflookinghimintheeye,mostlybecausetheybothknewthathewaslying.TheonlyreasonDracohadwokenupwasbecauseHarryhadtrippedoverapileofbookswhenhewalkedinandsentthemalltumblingtothefloor,himalongwiththem.ThenoisehadscaredDracosobadHarryjustcountedhimselfluckyhehadn’tbeenhexed.“Whatareyoudoinghome?”
“Wasn’taslateanightasIwasexpecting.”Harrytriedtosmile,buthecouldn’t,becausesomethingwasdefinitelywrong.ItsortoffeltlikehowHarrywouldhaveexpectedthetensiontobeifhehadevercaughtsomeonecheatingonhim,whichisaweirdcomparison,becausetherewasneitheranyagreeduponromanticattachmentoranotherpersonintheroom.“ThoughtI’dcomeuphere.”
ImeanttostayoverbutthenIwasstretchedoutontheircouchwithitslumpycushionsandrealizedthattherewasnowaythatIcouldfallasleep,notwithoutthesoundofyourbreathingtoassuremethateverythingwasokay,thatweweresafe.Ithoughtthatyoufeltthesameway.Ithoughtyou’dbehappytohavemebackforthenight.Youtoldmethatthishelpsyousleep,too,orwasthatjustsomethingtomakemefeelbetter?
“Yeah.”Dracostillwasn’tmovingover,notlikehealwaysdid.Hewasjustsittingthere,staring.“Good.Great.”
IttakesanembarrassinglylongtimeforHarrytogetit.Timewherehethinksabouthowthiswasallabouthim,allfromsomefaulthedidnotknowhehad,anoffensethathehadnotmeant.Ittakeshimthroughchanginghisclothesandbrushinghisteethandwashinghishandstwicejusttofeelthecoldwaterrunoverhiswristsuntilheturnsbacktothebedandrealizesthatsomethingwasdifferent.
Dracowaswearingashortsleeveshirt.
Thefactaloneshouldn’thavemeantanything.It’sweird,nowthatHarrystopstothinkaboutit,thathehadneverseenhisroommateinashortsleeveshirtbefore,nowthatitisapproachingspringandthehousegetsunbearablystuffy.ThathewouldchoosetobecompletelycoveredwhenhewrapshimselfaroundHarryandgetsburiedunderneathallthecovers.
(ThisisoneofthosemomentswherehecanhearHermione’svoiceinhishead,moaningonaboutboysandhowimpossiblyobtuseyouare,Harry,Ican’tbelieveitandyou’vegottheemotionalrangeofatablespoon,Harry,whichisbetterthanRonbutnotbymuch.)
Itmeansthatforthefirsttimeduringtheirstaytogether,Harrycanseethedarkmark.
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